Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Saved

Barley and I had just returned home from a walk Saturday morning. I turned on the radio and started doing my usual Saturday morning routine - laundry, dusting, reading the paper, drinking coffee. I had poured myself a nice big mug when "Back That Ass Up" came on the radio. Because I'm me, I turned it up full-blast and started dancing around while drinking my coffee. And because I'm me, I managed to spill some coffee on myself. Remembering I had just started a load of laundry, I pulled the tank top off and threw it in the washing machine. Still wearing my sports bra and shorts, I continued dancing around because come on - would you expect any less of me?

I was in my living room when I heard a knock at the front door. Thinking it was either a) Amber, b) my cousin Dawn or c) one of my 600 aunts stopping by, I walked to the door. There, with looks of horror on their faces, stood two teenaged Mormon boys with their short-sleeved dress shirts, ties and bike helmets.

Now let's review the scene, shall we?
Me: ponytail, sports bra, jogging shorts, giant cup of coffee in hand
Audio: Juvenile's "Back That Ass Up" blarring in the background

I put my index finger up in a gesture which I hope conveyed "Please-wait-right-here-while-I- turn-the-devil's-music-down-and-put-on-a-shirt" as I sprinted towards my sweatshirt on the couch.

I returned to the front door at the same time the color had returned to the boys faces. They introduced themselves and I apologized for the semi-nekkidness. Without missing a beat, and without the slightest bit of irony one of them asked me if I felt like I had a close relationship with the Lord. My reply? "He'd like us to be closer but I think it's best we just stay friends right now."

I don't think the Latter Day Saints know what to do with sarcasm so it's probably best I don't convert.

13 comments:

Sass said...

so i guess that means we should go to confession when i visit

Cheryl said...

I LOVE that response and I just may have to steal it. Hilarious. Oh, and? You are so nice to put your seatshirt on and turn the music down. i wouldn't have.

Amber said...

I just wouldn't have answered the door. I suppose it's a good thing I called before coming over later that day, though, so you wouldn't be paranoid it was them again and not answered the door. Because then who would you have watched AWESOME t.v. with AND gotten Arby's?

Sandra Dee said...

Shut your mouth. That is absolutely the most hilarious story ever!

Marissa said...

Kendra you never cease to CRACK MY SHIT UP! Seriously, I fell off my chair laughing so hard. You, my friend, are freaking hilarious. I want you with me when the Mormons (or really anyone at all) come a-knocking on my door, too. Also, I am always blasting "un-Godly" music and dancing around my apartment. *Sigh* We really are twins. :)

beckibee said...

You're down with G-O-D, yeah you know me!!!

Miss Scarlet said...

Haha! Last year my sister told some cute ones she was maybe interested so they'd come back;)

Liz said...

That is priceless. My mom managed to con two of them in to helping her garden one summer.

Miladysa said...

lol! You know they shall have no choice but to revisit you KC ;]

Anne said...

Hilarious! I might have to steal that line as well!

Ariel1980 said...

OMG that's such a classic, witty response, and I'm going to steal it. Have I ever told you that when I first moved into my home, two intrepid Mormons biked the mile to my door intent on saving my soul?

I offered them coffee. On purpose.

dasi said...

PERFECT. I don't know how you managed to gather your composure and respond so appropriately, but kudos to you!!! And thanks for the laugh - I needed it!!

Jill said...

That's brilliant. Ah, irony!