It was a little chilly when I walked outside last night to water the flowers. As I stood over the cedar boxes I could smell fall in the air. I can’t explain the smell except to say that I know it immediately when it hits me.
I set down the watering can, sat on the porch and looked up at the sky. There weren’t many stars out but I suddenly remembered the night he and I sat outside at the cabin, looking at the stars. I hadn’t thought about that night in a long time.
When I was about 8 years old, I remember overhearing a conversation in which a phrase was used that I had never heard.
“Mom, what’s 'melon calling'?”
“Melon calling,” I enunciated, “I heard some lady say it today and I don’t know what it means.”
“I don’t know either. Do you remember anything else she said?”
“She said she was sad and melon calling.”
I think it was a few minutes before the laughter subsided and my mom was able to explain.
So last night I sat on the porch and looked for the big dipper – the only constellation we were both able to accurately identify that night. He had laughed when I pointed out Venus…because it was actually a airplane. I laughed too and then I kissed him. He put his hand on my cheek, leaned his forehead against mine and whispered, “You’re the best person I know.”
We haven’t talked in three months. I haven’t returned a phone call or responded to an email; there are just certain things that an apology won’t fix. Actually, a sincere apology would have gone a long way. But an insincere apology? That’s just adding insult to injury.
For whatever reason though, I was missing him last night. We had made all of these plans for the summer – hiking, camping trips, baseball games, fly-fishing and movies at Red Rocks . I’ve actually done most of these things but he wasn’t there for any of it. And I can honestly say that it’s for the best.
I know that it's just a spell of loneliness and that I don't want him back but when I think about that night at the cabin, his forehead pressed up against mine…well, I can’t help but get a little melon calling.