Tuesday, January 03, 2006

You & Me

I have dreams about you sometimes. They happen at night when I’m curled up in bed and during the day when I’m stuck in a boring meeting. Sometimes I’ll spot a happy couple walking down the street or having dinner in a restaurant and I’ll think of us.

The other night I had the same dream I’ve been having for about eight years. We’re in a car driving down a country road. The windows are all open and even though my hair is pulled back in a ponytail, the wispy pieces are blowing around my face. You’re wearing sunglasses and a white shirt. I have my hand behind your neck and I’m running my fingers through your hair. You turn to look at me and give me a huge smile. I always wake up when I see your teeth. I don’t really know what that means but I do love that dream.

I daydream about long weekends at my family’s cabin. We go fishing together and you understand that no matter how much I like to fish, I’ll never be able to gut and clean one. We sit on the deck that looks over the meadow, our legs dangle off the edge as we drink cold beer and talk about where we’ll go hiking the following day. Later that night, I’ll be busy in the kitchen while you’re grilling the steaks and veggies. We’ll eat dinner and then sit outside to watch the stars while we finish off a bottle of red.

I dream about our house too. It’s in an old neighborhood lined with huge trees and street lamps. We bought a fixer-upper so we could do it all our way. There are gorgeous hardwoods throughout and a huge bay window in the living room where I like to read sometimes. There are pictures everywhere of our family and friends. Our kitchen is my favorite because I can cook everyday and there’s plenty of counter space. There’s a huge claw-foot tub for me to take the baths that I love and there’s a huge garage for all of the toys and tools that you love. The back yard has a hammock because I’ve always wanted a house with a hammock. Sometimes we take naps out there in it. Actually, you nap and I read US Weekly.

I think about baseball games, vacations to sunny destinations, arguments about the remote control, reading the Sunday paper in bed, long walks with Barley and our inside jokes. I think about the inevitable fights we'll have and all the fun we have making up. I think about how we'll just wake up one morning and decide to go on a road trip - no plans, just go. We hold hands and drive, both of us knowing that it's not really where you're going that counts, but who you're with.

I think about the fact that you’ll have the same passion for me when I’m wearing yoga pants and my Red Sox hat as you do when I’m wearing my little black dress and the heels that make my legs look like a million bucks. And I’ll have the same passion for you when you’re camping on the couch in your sweats as I do when you’re dressed to the nines for a night on the town. What I like best is that you know, more than anything, a pair of broken-in jeans, a white t-shirt and a baseball cap backwards makes me weak in the knees…especially if you haven’t shaved for a day or two. (Give me that over a man in suit any day of the week.)

I daydream that we have our own lives as well. Neither of us has to spend every waking moment with the other to know we’re loved. Don’t get me wrong, we want to be together but we also remember that we had lives before the other one came along. I go shopping with the girls while you watch football with the guys. You never gripe when I have the girls over for cooking club and I don’t bitch when the guys come to play poker.

In my dreams, there are flowerpots on our porch and a vegetable garden in the backyard. You scold me for letting my car go too long without an oil change. I scold you for drinking from the milk carton. I giggle at you as you slide across the hardwoods in your socks - just for kicks. And one day, our kids will learn to slide across the hardwoods from you.

The thing is, until you get here these will all just remain dreams. Until I can put a face, name, personality and heart to you, all I have are the dreams. And that’s ok because when you know what you want, waiting for it seems like the only respectable thing to do. So I just go on looking for you, knowing that one day you’ll be here and those dreams (or something close to it) will be my reality - our reality. But until then, just know I've got big plans for you and me.

P.S. Feel free to bring your big plans with you when you come.


heatherfeather said...

thomas recommended i come here and read your postings and i'm very glad he did.

this is a Very Good Thing that i'm glad i read.

it made me smile and sad all at the same time.

Sass said...

There's a line in Being John Malchovich that I'm reminded of when I read this.

"It's my head. Get Out of my head."

Especially the part about reading US weekly and sliding across the hardwood floor.

Well done Kendra, well done.

beckibee said...

I can't wait to read this at your wedding someday! ;)

Amber said...

What Sass said. This is by far, my favorite post you've ever done. Good thing Becki will be reading this AFTER I sing at your wedding -- because you know how I feel about crying before singing.


Cheryl said...

Damn Kendra. This is an awesome post. Once again, I feel like you're in my head. I have those dreams too. You're right that it's worth it to wait. Thanks for the reminder.

Whinger said...

You can bitch a little when the guys come to play poker if they're smoking cigars, because ew.

Can't wait to meet him. :)

dasi said...

KENDRA!!!! So YOU are the other woman my dream man has been seeing at night!! ;) How DARE he leave my dreams for yours???

Seriously - I think there's nothing wrong with people like us holding out for what we dream of. I think there's only one thing I would have to add for "my" guy - and that is that he would have to love Lexie like his own and NEVER consider himself a "step."

*sigh* Hey - how about us getting together for some potent potables and discussions of these dream men?? Oh, yeah - you're in CO. DAMN!! ;)

Miladysa said...



Can we come to the wedding?

Marissa said...

This might just be one of my favorite posts you've ever written! It's wonderful! I absolutely love it. And it sounds to me like you have a fantastic future ahead of you. ;)

Scott said...

Wow, that is some excellent writing. I kind of feel the same way and I am a guy... haha. Hope that you are well. I will be back to visit your blog.


Timmortal said...

That was really cool KC... Contrary to what everyone's told me today, i think it's okay to have that dream. You go girl... Holla!

Kyahgirl said...

Hi! visiting from whinger's place again!

This post gave me chills. Beautiful.

Jill said...

Ohmygod this is the most beautiful thing, I just want to cry.

Lori said...

Hi .
funny how you will read this comment from no one .
but to your information .
I am lori, a 20 yrs old girl .
and I really loved what I read .. it is such a sweet dreams that is so real .. and you have somethoughts I wish I have when I grow older .. just that understanding . thanks .