Last night I was tense. I kept hashing it over in my head. I kept questioning myself. I kept wondering where the hell all of this anxiety was coming from and how I was going to get rid of it. I tossed and turned in bed while repeating one word over and over again in my head.
Relax.
Sleep provided no relief - the plot of my dreams mirrored my waking thoughts. I woke up exhausted and frankly, pissed off.
I forgot to set the coffeemaker last night so when I headed into the kitchen this morning, the pot was empty. This didn't help the mood. Some jackass nearly took off the front end of my car in an attempt to change lanes. It was more like attempted murder to me. The drive-thru at Starbucks was a joke as the woman in the mini van ahead of me ordered everything on the menu. I got to the office and the fact that printer wasn't working damn near pushed me over the edge. All the while, the issues that were mucking up my thoughts last night were hanging out at the edge of my consciousness, mocking me.
Yep, we're still here and you can get irrationally angry about everything else around you but when you're done, we'll still be here. And you'll still have to deal with us.
And just as conscious was about to give the big double-fingered fuck you to subconscious, there was this...
"It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it."
- Somerset Maugham
I dropped something between the wall and my desk today and when I went to get it, I cracked my head on the wall. Cursing and squinting from the pain I crouched there for a minute. I even started to cry a little because I was just so over it all. When I opened my eyes I found a Post-It with this quote on it. It must have fallen back there a while ago but when I saw it I instantly remembered it.
I'm a big believer in signs and I do believe this was a sign. And you know what? Shortly after finding this, conscious and subconscious declared a truce. And you know what else? Sometimes signs will literally smack you upside the head when you really need it.
1 comment:
In response to your post on my blog...see, we really ARE alike! Actually, when I read this entry yesterday, it totally hit home. I had a similar type of day. It seems we're going through the same exact thing. Well at least we have comfort in numbers, right? :) You have a fabulous weekend, too.
Post a Comment