Big Brother

Beth here, covering for Miss Kendra during her absence in Cape Cod. It sounds so fancy to say that one is in Cape Cod. I guess it's not fancy for your average dweller of a Northeastern state, but it takes a lot of effort to get there from the middle. I expect her to arrive home with a cable knit sweater over her clamdiggers, a scarf or large hat covering her windblown hair, her nose a delicate shade of charming pink. The sad thing is that I've BEEN to Cape Cod. I know it's not how it appears in the movies, but the name evokes specific images. Other destinations for which I can't help having a specific idea of how things look: Rodeo drive, Montana, Hong Kong, Adirondack Mountains, Name-Your-Many-Hyphened-Village in Ireland, and Mexico City.

But I am not here today to discuss destinations I may or may not have visited. I am here to tell you what your IT staff knows about you, some helpful tips regarding your work computer, and why your IT staff is bitter. I myself man (or woman?) a help desk, and feel this shared knowledge is accurate for all mid-sized to large organizations. I will list this information, as this IS Kendra's blog, so a list is necessary. Part of what you will read will make you paranoid. It should. 1. I am happy to come to your desk and restart your computer, but wouldn't it be easier if you tried it before you called me? There! All fixed. 2. Don't write anything about your co-workers or your company that is not complimentary unless you are actually ON the IT staff. We don't intentionally go looking to read your email, but you'd be surprised how often it happens accidentally (and I do mean accidentally). Better yet, just use your free Yahoo!, Hotmail, Google, etc. account for any personal email. 3. Don't keep anything on your work computer that you care about if it's not backed up elsewhere. It turns out you don't own your work computer, and we feel free to write over anything if there's a threat of a virus or your hard drive has gone bad. We don't feel sorry even if we have a sorry face on. 4. We know when you are dating online. If we're bored, we look at your profile. We do not judge as we think online dating is a good way to put yourself out there in an increasingly computer-centric society. But we do know. 5. We know anything you do online. It's true. We report it to higher-ups. They hold onto that information. 6. We hate it when you put stuff all around your computer. I'm talking dolls that hang precariously off your monitor, stickers declaring your princess status, etc. All of these things need to be removed when a computer is moved. Removing stickers from a matte surface is not easy. Guessing where to stack your stuffed animals is not a fun game. Ironic dolls like a boxing nun make it more interesting, but we still hate it. 7. Calling the help desk with "my computer is broken" makes us annoyed. Calling with, "it flashes an exclamation point every few seconds and makes a beeping noise" is much more helpful. 8. When you have a minor problem, ask the help desk to get to it when they have time. If you make every little thing an emergency, they are less likely to take you seriously when there's a real one. 9. The IT staff does not want to answer your questions regarding your home computer. Really. Not even the little questions. Not even just this once. 10. IT staff is not this bitter in real life, but consider the fact that almost every call received by an IT staff member is made by someone who is near hysterics and complaining. No one calls to say, "Yep. Computer's been workin' fine for three weeks now!" You might have a frown in need of turning up-side-down, too, if people rarely gave you a pat on the back.

That is all for now. If you read this at work, your IT staff knows.