Have you ever noticed how hard it can be to tell the truth?
Maybe it’s just me because I’m not a fan of feeling vulnerable. Sometimes telling the whole truth can make me feel very, very vulnerable. I guess I’ve always equated vulnerability with weakness. And you can imagine how I feel about weakness. On top of everything else, I’ve never wanted to be that girl who insists on having talks about feelings all the damn time. I mean, come on, no one likes *that* girl.
So we sat across from one another at dinner and he asked the question that I was both dreading and hoping he’d ask. I took a deep breath, a long sip of wine and answered the question.
I told him the truth – all of it.
I felt pretty exposed. Vulnerable.
And you know what? It was ok. Actually, it was pretty great.
Ok, so “great” might be a stretch but I survived it. I survived talking about how I really felt and what I was really thinking. Once I got started, I couldn’t stop. I said everything that was on my mind.
Unlike many of the men from my past, he didn’t get defensive or argue with me. He didn’t make me feel like shit for having feelings and he didn’t make me feel crazy for having feelings. He didn’t make any sarcastic remarks and he didn’t roll his eyes. He didn’t interrupt me and he didn’t ignore me. (Yes, I’ve dated men who have done all of those things. And yes, I’ve dated a lot of fuck-nuts.)
So I guess the lesson learned is that when you open up with the right person, it can be ok. There isn’t anything to fear when you’re telling someone who is willing to listen, when you’re telling someone who cares enough to hear what you have to say.
He told me some truth too…and that? That felt pretty great.
And the very best part? As I was driving home from dinner that night, he called my cell.
Him: "I just wanted to call you and thank you for being so open with me about everything. I know it's hard for you but I'm really glad we talked about it all. We're good, right?"
Me: "Yeah, we're good. Thanks for listening and for not making me feel like I needed to have my feelings validated."
***silence***
Me: "Did I just say something about feelings and validation?"
Him: "Yep, you sure did. You went all Dr. Phil on me. It kind of freaked me out because it's not a phrase I ever expected to hear you say. I'm just gonna wipe that one from the record."
I love a man who can listen and make fun of me when necessary. And that's the truth.
11 comments:
So great...very happy for you.
Aww. Yay for good boys!
Love him.
So..."communication." I've HEARD of this phenomenon.
So proud of you, Kennie.
Letting go and showing vulnerable is hard when it should be easier than breathing.
Step by step
Oooh now that's Dr. Phil atchya.
Aw, what a good one! I hope we get to hear more about him. And less of Dr. Phil.
La - Gracias! And I swear I will return an email soon - just crazy at the workplace.
Sandra Dee- thanks! And thanks for stopping by!
Becks - love that you love him.
Whinger - yep, your little girl is all growns'd up.
Jess - I think it's hysterical that either of us are making Dr. Phil references because, come on, we're not really Dr. Phill girls.
Cheryl - I promise, on my love of Michigan Ave - I will not make anymore Dr. Phil references. :)
this is GREAT. i am so glad that dinner went so well (so, so, SO glad!!), and it sounds like the progress you were hoping for is definitely happening.
i always feel like i'm reading myself when i read what you write (surprise, surprise!) but i'm the same way when it comes to disclosing the truth. it's funny, i know how to play better games than anyone else, but when it comes to real communication and opening up and sharing, dare i say it - feelings - i'm lost. i, too, am terrified of feeling vulnerable. but you kendra are inspiring me! maybe one day, i can do it, too.
Marissa- we'll see. Cautiously optimistic right now. :) And yes, you can do it too - not nearly as bad as I thought it would be.
vulnerability kills me too. but you seem to have done an excellent job!
Reminds me very much of Sir H and moi! :)
Post a Comment