I've been thinking a lot lately about moving on. There are certain things that have happened to me in my life and though they may have been hard or caused me pain, I've managed to pick myself up, dust myself off, hopefully learn something and then move on. But there are other things that, for whatever reason, seem to be harder to let go.
You know the things I'm talking about - the cruel words someone said; the hurtful thing someone did; the thoughtless remark; the plotted verbal assault; the lies and deceit. Those are the events in your life that you can't change or make go away but you can't seem to forget about either. They're not emotional scars, they're emotional scabs. A scar may not look all that pretty but the pain eventually goes away, but the scab is still actively painful. And the worst part is that the person who inflicted the initial wound may apologize or even just leave your life but that scab is there and other people, totally unaware of said scab, may come by and pick it. And one of two things usually happens - you either retreat to lick the wound or you lash out in pain.
I guess my question is this: What's the salve?
For me, I've rarely not been able to move on when someone genuinely acknowledges what they've done and apologizes. Sometimes, that just doesn't happen. We don't always get that kind of closure and then what? I know that there are things that have happened to me and I've had no sort of closure but I've gotten over it and when I think about it now, it's more of a "eh..." feeling than a "damn, that still stings..." feeling.
I know they say time heals all wounds but what if I don't feel like waiting? What if I want to move on now?
7 comments:
Then move on, damnit. You, and only you are on the signature card of you forgiveness account.
Martinis of absurd volume, awkward social interaction, and regrettable fornication seems to approximate the "time heals all wounds" sensation.
I don't really know what to say, because I don't have an answer to your question. I know exactly what you mean, however, and if it's any consolation I have a really difficult time "moving on" in certain cases as well. Generally, as you said, when there is no closure. I NEED closure. Otherwise, it's those unanswered questions and hurt feelings that keep me awake some nights - even years afterward.
So if anyone DOES give you a good answer, let me know too, ok??
ditto dasi.
You move right along, then. Screw time. If you feel like being over it, that's all you need! But I hear you all too well. I have plenty of those actively painful scabs myself. And I wish people would stop picking at them.
oh man...if you figure this out, please send me the recipe. i take EVERYTHING to heart. the best thing i can think of though is to be in it for a little, grieve if you need to, and by way of all that, being kind to yourself and not beating yourself for feeling down or hurt, i think you can lift yourself out of it. but, what a great question.
You move on when you're ready. If you are ready that it's time. If for no other reason than yourself.
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