Lady's Got the Blues

So, I have the worst case of winter blues a girl can have.

Seriously.

I have been a mopey pile of mush as of late. I'm the conductor on the Boo Hoo Express. I'm the Mayor of Self-Pityville. I've been Grouchy McCrabbypants. I've had a little grey cloud hanging over my head for a few weeks. I'm like Pigpen except instead of a dust cloud all around me it's a cloud o' gloominess.

So thick is my gloomy fog that after watching "Love Actually" I sent the following email to Beth the other day:
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To: Beth
From: Kendra
Re: you around?

i have the winter blues. am now certain i will be alone forever.

please convince me otherwise...when you have a moment.

-k
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In fairness to myself, there has been alot going on lately and I certainly have every reason to feel the way I've been feeling the very least of which is my state of singledom. I'm sure at some point, I'll write about the last three weeks but I can't right now. Every single time I've started to write about everything, I just end up crying and believe me people, the crying has got to stop.

I am normally a happy, upbeat and obnoxiously optimistic person but as 2006 winds down and I think back on this year I can't say I've been all that sunny. Like I said, it's been a tough year -probably the hardest one of my whole life. I'm not used to feeling so down, so often. Rare is the evening at Brew Bar when I sit and cry into my chili rellenos but that's exactly what I did last night while out with Rosie. I couldn't even stop the tears and I can ALWAYS stop the tears.

So that's why there haven't been any posts in a while and there haven't been any good posts in a long while. Guess I've just been trying to get myself together.

It helps that I have friends who will let me cry into my dinner and listen and reassure me that I'm not going crazy but rather just having an unbelievably hard year. If anyone can make me laugh during the middle of a crying jag, it's Rosie. And it helps that my mom is in town. When I got home Monday night dinner was made, the laundry was done, I was told I was "so beautiful" and that I had an appointment for a 90 minute massage that was "already paid for, you just need to show up". Is there anyone better than my mom? Nope, not even close.

As for the response to the sad, pathetic email I sent Beth?
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To: Kendra
From: Beth
Re: you around?

You will not be alone forever. Let us examine the evidence, shall we?

1. You have dated many a jackass. While you would think that this would be detrimental, it is in fact a huge plus as you have dated them, but the relationships have wisely ended. This means that you know what you want and you know how you want to be treated. That can only end well.

2. You have the widest network of family and friends in the universe. One of them is bound to introduce you to the guy of your dreams. In the meantime, you can enjoy your wide network of family and friends.

3. Barley. Guy magnet.

4. You have excellent hair. That will not go unrewarded.

5. You are only 30. While that may feel old at times, it is in fact the new 20. Think about how long people are living nowadays. Do you really want to waste your youth married?

6. You can cook.

7. You're just all-around fun.

8. You're actually putting yourself out there and being vulnerable. And while that can often suck, it's what has to happen, contrary to numerous stupid romantic comedies.

9. Awesome career. No one will accuse you of gold-digging when your guy turns out to be filthy rich.

10. Saucy Latin look that men of all cultures are drawn to.

So there you go. Go away, blues.
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Yes, go away, blues.
Go.
Away.