The Godfather of the Irish Mafia Pontificates and We All Learn a Valuable Lesson

"I had several requests to share my philosophy while I was in Omaha."

"I'm not surprised," I giggled.

I had called Keeley on my way home from work today because he's just one of those guys you can call on your way home from work to share a ridiculous story the likes of which no one else would really appreciate. He had been in Omaha a few weeks ago to visit some of our Creighton friends who still reside there.

The philosophy the girls were requesting came from a late night phone call I made to Keeley last spring when I was deep in heart of anxiety over Mr. Normal. He'd been doing his oh-so-famous mood swings and I was all full of woe and shit while on the phone that evening. I believe the conversation went a little something like this...

"So, I just don't know. I mean, one minute it seems like things are great and the next he's in a mood," I explained.

"Uh huh..."

"And blah, blah, blah."

"Uh huh..."

"And blah, blah, blee, blah, blow."

"Uh huh..."

"And so I end feeling like I have no clue what the hell is going on."

"Hey Kendra?"

"Yeah?"

"You're the prize (TM)*."

"......"

"Did you hear me?"

"Yeah, but I don't get it."

"Yeah, I know. Ok, so the way I see it is this," he began. "You're a great girl. I'm not saying this just to blow sunshine up your ass - you really are an awesome girl. Sure, you're surly and stubborn and talk a lot of shit but despite all of that, you're still great. So basically, you're the fucking prize. The way I see it, this guy should be sitting around just thinking up ways to win you...because after all, you're the prize. The prize doesn't sit around wondering who's going to win her and if he'll be moody tomorrow. If this fool isn't sitting around thinking up ways to win you, then he isn't worth it. Got it?"

~and cue the light bulb over my head~

I had to smile at the simplicity of his words. It was like my own personal After School Special hosted by Keeley J. O'Grady. You know, the After School Special where the lesson should be painfully obvious to the main character but that silly girl doesn't learn the lesson until the last five minutes of the show? Yeah, that one.

I've shared these pearls of wisdom with a lot of people which is why Keeley was getting requests while in Omaha. (Well that and because having Keeley tell any kind of story is just a treat.) Seriously, I've shared this story with girls in roughly 11 states. Actually, I'm thinking about ordering silk screen t-shirts with those three little words emblazoned on them to hand out to every single girl I know. I've also decided that if I ever have a little girl, we're totally flying Uncle Keeley in to tell her exactly why she's the prize. Of course, if I keep up my dating track record there won't ever be any little girl because there won't ever be a husband and I'll die all alone. But that won't happen...because I'm the prize.



*I have trademarked the phrase for Mr. O'Grady because that shit is gold.