For Kelsey

Dear Kelsey,
I remember Dad putting you into my arms for the first time. You were so small and had lots of brown hair. It was love at first sight. However, as an only child for the first 12 years of my life, I was used to being the center of attention. You changed all of that.

You were a gorgeous baby but more than that, you were so good. You were such a sweet kid, always smiling and laughing. This made you even more precious in the eyes of the family and truth be told, I kind of resented you. I figured if you were going to be adorable with all the batting of the big green eyes and cooing, then I would just have to find other ways to get attention. I was entering Dante's Fourth Canto of Hell - also known as adolescence (please note my bangs up there) - so my days of being adorable were drawing to a close. Frankly, I wanted to get rid of you. Instead, I decided I would do everything else really well in order to get some of that attention that I so richly deserved.

My good grades, the athletics, the extracurricular activities - all because I had to find some way to conquer the preciousness you oozed 24-7. All of these things led me to getting into a good college so I suppose I should thank you. Had you not come along, I could be a worthless bum, living in a van down by the river.

You were five years old when I left for college. The morning I left, you wrapped yourself around my waist crying and saying, "Please don't go! I'll be a good girl!" By the age of five you lost some of the adorableness and started being a pain in the ass - beating up Karlie, getting into my room, telling guys at Gart Bros. that I thought they were hot, etc, etc. You thought I was leaving because you had been rotten all summer. You were heartbroken and the first few times I called home you just cried on the phone.

You had quite an evolution while I was away at school and I felt like you had grown up so much every time I saw you. You learned how to tie your shoes; how to read; how to make cinnamon toast; how to french braid Karlie's hair and much more all while I was away. I felt like I had missed so much and you and Karlie were a huge reason for my decision to move home.

In the eight years that I've been home I've watched you grow and change so much. When I got home you're walls were covered with pictures of horses and you still played with dolls.

You still thought I was "the coolest person in the whole, wide world". My opinion on clothes, music, movies and boys was the only one you cared about. That didn't last long.

I was also taller than you back then.

That didn't last too long either.

I remember the first time you told me you couldn't do a girl's night because you "had other plans"; you were 14. We often had to reschedule plans but it was always due to my schedule, not yours. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little hurt. It was then I realized that my days of being the person you wanted to spend all of your time with were numbered.

Your four years of high school seemed to have gone by in a blur. Wasn't it just yesterday that I was listening to your tales of freshman woe? There were all those phone calls about locker combinations, mean girls and cute baseball players. There were lessons in proper make-up application. There were all the times you begged me to take you driving after Sunday dinners. There were birthday cakes and Christmas cookies. There was prom dress shopping and lunches at Fazolis because of our intense love of the bread sticks. There were late night phone calls and text messages when John was being a jackass. There were fights and stupid arguments. There were fits of laughter that made us cry and/or fart. But I'm not pointing any fingers...

I was thinking about all of those things as I drove across town this afternoon to say goodbye before you leave for college tomorrow. I know I was the one who encouraged you to go to school out of state but as I stood there crying this afternoon I was kicking my own ass for that move. Because suddenly, the thought of you being a 10 hour drive away is a bit heartbreaking. I feel like karma is rearing her ugly head for wanting to get rid of you all those years ago. I wanted to cling to your waist and beg you to stay the same way you had done before I left for school. Leaving is hard but being left is awful.

Despite the tears, I am so excited for you. You are about to have the time of your life. I'd be lying if I said there would be no hard times, but you'll be fine. And for those big bumps in the road, I am just a phone call or plane ride away. Honestly Kels, I'm not worried because I know that there are wonderful things in store for you. I know that there is an amazing life out there just waiting for you to create it.

Love you tons,

Kendra