Dear Blocked Caller,
As much as I enjoyed your game of "Call Kendra's Cell Dozens of Times from a Blocked Number" today, I'm going to ask you to kindly knock it off.
It was one thing when you did it while I was out shopping with my sister, Karlie. It was somewhat irritating when I returned from a walk with the Brown dog to find 4 more calls on my cell. And when I finally answered while I was cooking dinner and you just sat there not saying anything, I was mostly polite when I asked you to stop calling. All of that was annoying but when you continued to call during "Entourage", you took it too damn far. Because of that, I was forced to turn my phone off, which led me to forgetting to turn it back on after Vinnie & Co. successfully secured a flight to Cannes, which led me to missing a call from someone (you know, someone who would actually SPEAK WORDS), which led to me trying that person back but not reaching them, which, ultimately, left me more irritated with you than previously thought possible.
And so now, dear caller, I will be forced to sleep with my phone off for the evening because the only thing that could put you any higher on my shit list would be if you decided to disturb my slumber. And so if some psychopath decides to break into my house tonight and I go to reach for my cell to call the cops - because everyone knows the psychopath has already cut the land lines so there's no point in reaching for that phone - and I can't turn the cell phone on AND call 911 before aforementioned psychopath reaches my bedroom, well, you'll be totally responsible for my demise.
And if none of that happens, you'll still be the fucker who called from a blocked number all day.
Hugs and a swift kick in the ass,
KC
6 comments:
I'm sorry. I really wanted to talk to you, but girls just make me nervous and sometimes words won't come out no matter how hard I try.
Hi. I had/have one of those. Just put it on silent. Then you have the satisfaction of knowing how pitiful that person is to call you 27 times but also know whose calls you've missed. Sometimes knowing is better than not, no?
Wood - I had a feeling it was you. You even breathe with a southern accent. :)
Kate - That was the strategy I implimented today. And yes, knowing is better than not.
wow... who did you piss off? Why is someone stalking you? This sounds like a story I want to hear... dish!
I am so pissed at that person for you! That is SO freaking irritating!!!! What the hell?! Why do people do stuff like that? I sincerely hope they read your letter though, because it's priceless!
Um if you have psychopaths regularly beating down your door like that, maybe I don't want to come visit. Oh who am I kidding, I'd come if there were 2 psychopaths. We could take them. I'm very scrappy.
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