The One Where I Got Shot

Usually, autumn in Denver goes pretty quickly. It seems like we'll have a few days of golden leaves and chilly weather and then we're thrown quickly into winter.

Not so this year.

We've had weeks of mild temps and crunchy leaves under foot when I go running and nights when I can put another blanket on the bed. But still no socks to bed because I can't imagine much worse than socks in bed. Except if I were wearing socks to bed while someone was touching my neck...and forcing me to eat chocolate. Anyway, fall has stuck around for a long time this year and I'm enjoying it in a big way. We've only had snow once so far and I was out of town for it so in my head, we haven't had any at all. There was a little frost outside when I headed out to the gym at 5am today. I took my winter clothes out of the guest room closet and pulled on a thick cable knit sweater for work. And tonight I came home and made pasta and fresh marinara. I'm not going to lie, it was divine. There was red wine and garlic bread too because seriously, what's the point of pasta without those accessories? And if the local forecasters are to be trusted, this weekend is going to be spectacular which means I will be cooking and hiking and taking the brown dog for long walks...oh, and looking at this view from my porch:

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In other news, I'd like to tell you about my trip to Walgreens last night. If you're still conscious after that riveting sentence, here comes the story...

I stopped in to pick up a couple of things including some Halloween candy because I take procrastination very seriously and therefore do not purchase the candy until 7:20pm on the 31st. So I'm standing in the Halloween section trying to pick out some candy when he approached. He was most certainly intoxicated, stood about two feet from me and surveyed the candy before he uttered, "Kinda waited til the last minute to get your candy, didn't ya? Heh, heh, heh." And I kind of hoped if I stood very still and willed it enough, I could just disappear into thin air. It didn't happen so I just smiled and said, "Yep, sure did" because I am nothing if not a clever conversationalist. And then he leaned across me like he was going for a bag of candy and then he...oh dear baby Moses I can barely say it because I still feel dirty...then...he smelled me. He took a really deep whiff of the air about 2 inches from my hair and said, "You sure smell good." And I furrowed my brow trying desperately to think of a way to get myself out of this pickle but I was frozen with fear and just stood there clutching a bag of Tootsie Rolls. And because I'm a nice girl (mostly) I did the only thing I could think of when given a compliment...I said thanks and hauled my cookies to the checkout. A few moments later, Drunky McSnifferson got in line behind me. He continued to mumble stuff while I was talking ot the cashier. A guy at the next checkout line started arguing about having to show i.d. when buying cigarettes so I was watching all that go down when I heard the cashier in my aisle ask me to hit the Accept button on the credit card thingamajig. I guess she had said it once already while I was watching the cigarette guy because all the sudden the drunk guy says, "Don't bother talking to her. She'll just ignore you because she's a bitch." And as I walked out, I promised myself that the next time a drunk guy in Walgreens sniffs my hair I'm gonna kick him in the nuts because at least then I'll earn the bitch title.

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I was tricked into getting a flu shot today. The Workplace offers free flu shots every year and I never go because I'm not so good with the shots. Our staff meeting ended around noon and a few of the guys decided to grab burritos at Chipotle. Knowing my love of the chicken burrito bowl, they asked me to join them. They mentioned that we needed to make a quick stop but I didn't pay attention because I was hungry and my brain had focused primarily on food. Like a lamb to the slaughter, I followed those deceiving bastards right into the conference room where the shots were being administered. I walked in just in time to see a needle being jammed into a woman's arm. I wanted to walk out but the coworkers made it impossible so I decided to suck it up and get the damn shot. It wasn't that bad but my arm is a little sore. And because no one who knows me will believe that I voluntarily let a needle puncture my skin, I give you photographic proof....

I look like an extra from "Fight Club", I know.