Slowly Losing My Mind

I've spent the last two days at the new house getting things ready before the big move on Saturday. Tuesday, my sisters and their boyfriends came over and helped me paint which was a huge help. We managed to get the horrible pink and red walls (uh, they were SO bad!) covered with a lovely, more neutral shade. The bad part was, we had to clean for nearly 3 hours to get all of the grime off the floors and walls. I evidently bought a house from the filthiest couple on the planet. The hardwoods had so much junk on them and the walls had a layer of...I don't even know the word...dust/dog hair/dirt/bleeeeeeeeeeeech that we spent forever just wiping them down. Also, the world's dirtiest couple took the shower head in the bathroom. If the phrase you're uttering right now is "WTF?" well then you and I are on the same page. And I won't even tell you how bad the kitchen was because it would only give you nightmares. Thankfully I have a wonderful family who has continued to help out despite my several breakdowns. Here are the following things that have sent me into a tailsping in the last couple of days...

1. General unsanitary condition new house was in upon my arrival.

2. Picking paint colors for the bedrooms.

3. Finding out that the house doesn't have a 220 line in the basement for my electric dryer so I either have to a) buy a gas dryer or b) have a new line run.

4. Giant hole in the fence that allows neighbors tiny dog to come over in my yard and relieve himeself whenever he needs to.

5. Busted p-trap under the kitchen sink that caused lots of water to spray all over the damn place.

6. Ants. Lots of 'em.

7. When I spilled a great deal of paint on the hardwoods.

8. Barley getting out of the backyard and doing a tour of North Denver last night.

So the last one put me in such a state of panic that I was driving around in tears asking people if they'd seen a brown dog. Acutally, I was yelling it out the window while bawling hysterically. Thankfully, my aunt and uncle came over to aid in the search and they found him a few blocks away, romping in an alley. I was so happy to see him that I only called him a rat bastard twice. And then I hugged him and cried into his brown fur. It was all very touching.

So now I have to run up to Home Depot and pick up more paint because despite the fact that the paint guy assured me that one gallon would cover the room when I gave him the dimensions, it in fact, did not. And later today I will deal with Comcast and the moving of the cable, phone and internet. That should be one hell of a good time.

Perhaps the next time you hear from me it will be of a happier nature...the liquor cabinet should be unpacked by then.

On the Go

Do you ever notice how you will have blocks of time that have absolutely nothing going on and then all of the sudden you go weeks and weeks without any time to yourself? Well the latter has been my life as of late. But it hasn't all been bad. In fact, some of it's been pretty wonderful.

I was traveling for work last Monday through Thursday. (Not the wonderful part; that's coming) My flight landed in Denver Thursday night at 10pm and after an excrutiating drive home, I fell into bed around 11:30pm. I was up and in the office the next morning by 7am for meetings. I came home that night, unpacked, did laundry, repacked and was off again first thing Saturday morning. Picked up my sisters and drove the three hours to our family cabin in Westcliffe, CO for our family reunion. The rest of the day was filled with hiking, visiting with the fam, eating, drinking and general merriment. Sunday was more go, go, go with more hiking, picture taking, the rodeo in town, horseshoes and beer and the big family dinner Sunday night. Monday was a big breakfast with everyone, followed by a hike, and then alternately sunning myself on the deck while drinking cold beer and splashing in the creek to keep cool. It was the most relaxing three days I've had in some time.

Going back to Sunday night for a story.... After the dinner with everyone my sisters and I decided to go visit the "allegedly" haunted cemetery. So we went to the cemetery. At 11pm. During a full moon. My aunt, who is only 10 years older than me, decided to join us with her 14 year old daughter as well. (Sidebar: Now it should be known that I once took a "behavioral assessment" at work which measured several personailty factors, one of which was "skepticism". On a scale of 100, I got a rating of 98. So I guess you could say I'm a wee bit skeptical.) Anywho, so we went to the cemetery and I didn't expect to see a damn thing. Well guess what? I saw something. Several somethings to be exact. Little blue lights floating around the headstones. I have no clue what I saw but I know I saw something. I didn't feel creeped out at all, I just wanted to get a better look. We stayed in the Jeep most of the time but at one point we got out to read a sign by the gates at the entry. Everyone was standing near the gates when my sister, Kelsey, started walking into the cemetery. I started off behind her and suddenly, in classic KC fashion, my ankle twisted and I went crashing to the ground. My knee hit something metal and I thought I broke a few fingers on some other metal piece. I couldn't figure out what happened until my sisters pointed out that I tripped on the cattle guard at the gates. (Do you know how horrible it is to know that you were felled by an effing cattle guard?! Cows don't cross those things because they know what will happen. The cows are smarter. But I have better hair.) I have to imagine if the blue lights were, in fact, ghosts, that they got a chuckle out of seeing me eat shit at their eternal resting place. I know my family did. So if you're ever in the Silver Cliff, Westcliffe or even Middle Cliff area (yes, there is a Middle Cliff and it's...wait for it...in the middle of Silver Cliff and Westcliffe! Clever, no?) you should check it out.

And now, in no particular order as I'm too tired to organize, on to the photos!

Old Glory

Hummingbird on the deck

Karlie, Madison, Kelsey


Hiking



Aspen

K3

Fairgrounds

Lil Buckeroos

Westcliffe Rodeo

The family cabin

Wildflower in the meadow

Looking out to the valley

Misc.

I just love a good weekend, don't you? Mine started by sneaking out of work a little early on Friday and meeting a hot guy for a movie. Now this hot guy and I have become quite close as of late. We have so much in common - we have similar tastes in music and movies; we both love being outdoors; we're both sarcastic; we can both roam the aisles of Whole Foods for hours and hours; and we both like sleeping with men. Yep, he's the Will to my Grace. And he's awesome.

I was tuckered after the movie so I came home, opened a bottle of wine and saw this when I opened my french doors...

I love the view from my front porch.

Saturday I took Barley to the Laund-Ur-Mutt to get the Furminator. (That's right, I just said "Laund-ur-Mutt" and "Furminator".) While he was there, I met up with my cousin for pedis at the salon down the street from my house. The rest of the day was shopping. About 3 times a year my cousin Dawn and I will do marathon shopping trips. It's usually before a trip one of us is taking, either for work or for vacation. This time we're both off on work trips; she's heading to Maryland and I'm off to Wisconsin. Both locales offer mass quantities of humidity so we were looking for fabrics that breathe...a lot. Several hours and shopping bags later we'd found some things that would work. I'm hoping my new, cute outfits will draw attention away from my hair which will inevitably be a frizzy, wavy, large and in charge monstrosity. But I'm not sure there's an outfit cute enough for such a feat.

And today was the family bbq celebrating all the July birthdays. I'm not sure (nor do I really care to think about) what goes on in my family in October, but lordy, we have a lot of July birthdays - seven to be exact. So while we celebrated everyone, it was mostly about Bradley Dean who turns one next week. I adore this child which could explain why I took 181 photos at the party. No, I'm not kidding. I probably did permanent damage to his eyes with the flash but you only turn one once so I wanted to capture every, single second evidently. But don't worry, I'll only share a few here....

Rockin the hat on his 1st birthday

Daddy and Little Man

The kid loved his cake. Is anyone else alarmed that he sort of looks like the Joker? Kinda maniacal and drunk with power. Then again, we all probably look like that when hopped up on sugar for first time.

Lately

Reading: Atonement. I know a ton of people who love this book but I have to be honest, I'm having a hell of a time getting into it.

Eating: So addicted to Dryer's Slow Churn ice cream. I made sweet, sweet love to a scoop of butter pecan a little while ago. Could have done more damage but I held back.

Exercise: Didn't gain a pound over the holidays but all the travel in January and early February left me eating and drinking too much. I managed to put on six pounds in two months and it all went straight to my ass - practically creating a whole 'nother ass. So I took both of my asses to the gym and have managed to take most of it off. But damn it sure goes on a lot easier than it comes off. I'm sure it would go faster if I wasn't free-basing the Slow Churn.

Enjoying: My new bed. I treated myself to the best bed in the whole wide world. Every time I climb into it, there are white lights and angels singing. It has this insane 20" mattress with a pillow top that feels like heaven. Just bought new sheets, comforter, duvet, and shams. I hemmoraged money while getting it all but lord have mercy, it is so worth it.

Laughing about: Saturday night with Beth, Karen and Amber. While sitting at Baker Street Pub, Amber caught a glimpse of Mr. D, a coach and teacher from our high school. He was far too hot to be a teacher and the years have been good to him because he still looks better than any teacher should. Having a few drinks and no fear, our dear Beth got up to say hi. She may have invited him to our table but I couldn't say for sure as I was too busy concentrating on his ass and oh my god, Mr. D is still so hot. And then I swooned a little.

Thinking about: Greece. I want to go there right this second. Even had a dream about it the other night. Would book a ticket right now if the dollar wasn't as weak as a newborn kitten. Why must the economy blow goats right now?

Spending time with: A new group of friends. I've met some really cool people lately and have been having such a good time getting to know them. I have been so bored with my life recently but lately I have all of these plans - skiing, happy hour, dinners, trivia nights, hikes - and the boredom is quickly disappearing.

Loving: My family. Ok, so I've always loved my family but Saturday as we were all together for a bar-b-que I was so happy I could have burst. At one point, I stood in the corner of a very crowded kitchen with a glass of ice tea and just watched. People were getting plates and food covered every inch of counter space. It was loud, as we are not a quite group by any means and it was crowded, as we migrated to the kitchen and back deck for lunch. People were laughing and playing with babies and taking pictures and planning the next get together. And I stood there watching all 5 kajillion of us thinking to myself how lucky I am to be a part of them.

Listening to:
Jason Mraz, "I'm Yours"

What We Take With Us

I miss my uncle.

There are times when my family will all be together and for a split second I'll think, "When is Uncle Brad getting here?" Then I'll remember and for a moment I'll be angry, feeling as though my brain played some cruel joke on me in letting me forget – even for a second - that he was gone. Because I've never forgotten that he died. I think about him every, single day. I miss him every, single day.

It sounds strange but it took me a while to grieve for my uncle. The day he died I stood in the hallway of the hospital looking at my devastated family and I did the only thing I know how to do in those situations – avoid all emotion and take action. I took over a lot of the funeral arrangements and threw all of my energy into planning and preparation. I wanted to make sure that the service was a perfect tribute for this man who I adored so much. All of the planning left very little time for dealing with the reality of the situation. A few weeks later, I was having a conversation with someone at work when I made the comment, "My uncle was the same way." It occurred to me that I had referred to him in past tense and it hit me that he was really gone. I walked into the bathroom and cried so hard I threw up.

It's been a year and a half since he died but there are days when the pain feels as raw as ever. Seeing my cousins have major life events without their dad is heartbreaking. Holding the grandson he never got to meet was crushing because I know he would have been a fantastic grandfather. I feel the void at every family event that doesn't include his sense of humor and laughter.

I hate the fact that I can't run things by him anymore. I hate that he hasn't been able to see all of the positive changes I've made in my life. I miss hearing him tell me how proud he is of me. I miss hugging him. It kills me that he'll never know the man I marry or be around when I have children.

It would be easy to get bitter and angry and feel cheated by the fact that I didn't get more time with him. But that wouldn't do anything but leave me bitter and angry and I don't wear those well. So lately, I've tried hard not to look at it as though I lost him, but think more about what I gained from him. I'm so grateful for the time I had with him and for the impact he had on me. He taught me so much about life - to always put family first; to believe in people when they can't believe in themselves; that street smarts are as important as book smarts; that a quick sense of humor is priceless; that mistakes are ok and that every day is a another chance to do the right thing.

I will always miss my Uncle Brad. But what a lucky girl I am for all the things he left me with.

Good Times

My dad had agreed to come over and help me hang the curtains in my guestroom on Friday so the room would be ready for my guest who was arriving that evening. (More on that in a minute.) I heard my dad pull up in front of my house and Barley started barking as he always does when someone parks out front. I walked to the front door to say hi to my dad when all of the sudden, a different face appeared in my doorway. I stood there for a minute, unable to speak, before the unexpected guest opened the door and tackled me in the entryway. There was a lot of screaming (both of us) and crying (me) and hair (both of us)- it was my sister, Kelsey. She'd driven all night with a few kids from school who were coming home to see the Rockies game. She'd called my dad as they were leaving and told him she would be home in 10 hours. My dad managed to keep it from me so I was totally surprised. This is feat - to surprise me - as I always know when something is up. Somehow though, they managed to keep me in the dark. It was fantastic.

Cheryl got in Friday night and we went for a late dinner at Las Margaritas. We got there just in time to enjoy 2 for 1 margaritas and a little baseball. Saturday we headed west on I-70 to see the leaves changing. She'd never been to Red Rocks and since it's only five minutes from my house, we made a quick stop there.

Then, we stopped in Silverthorne for lunch when Cheryl spotted the Coach outlet. We ended up shopping for a while and then taking Highway 6 home where we stopped a few times to hike around and take pics.

Quote of the afternoon: "It smells like fall here. I love the smell of fall. We don't really get that in Chicago; it's mostly just the smell of urine" - City girl Cheryl

Later that night it was off to Cheryl's birthday dinner at the home of the mouth-gasm...

Amber and I were on the other side of the table enjoying wine and champagne and California rolls, oh my.

This morning was brunch and a trip to the Farmer's Market at Belmar. Unfortunately, there was no Farmer's Market today so Karen, Amber and I took Cheryl to a few shops at Belmar. Pretty soon, it was time to head back to the airport and suddenly my girls weekend o' fun was over. But we managed to squeeze a lot of fun (and vodka) into 48 hours.

For Kelsey

Dear Kelsey,
I remember Dad putting you into my arms for the first time. You were so small and had lots of brown hair. It was love at first sight. However, as an only child for the first 12 years of my life, I was used to being the center of attention. You changed all of that.

You were a gorgeous baby but more than that, you were so good. You were such a sweet kid, always smiling and laughing. This made you even more precious in the eyes of the family and truth be told, I kind of resented you. I figured if you were going to be adorable with all the batting of the big green eyes and cooing, then I would just have to find other ways to get attention. I was entering Dante's Fourth Canto of Hell - also known as adolescence (please note my bangs up there) - so my days of being adorable were drawing to a close. Frankly, I wanted to get rid of you. Instead, I decided I would do everything else really well in order to get some of that attention that I so richly deserved.

My good grades, the athletics, the extracurricular activities - all because I had to find some way to conquer the preciousness you oozed 24-7. All of these things led me to getting into a good college so I suppose I should thank you. Had you not come along, I could be a worthless bum, living in a van down by the river.

You were five years old when I left for college. The morning I left, you wrapped yourself around my waist crying and saying, "Please don't go! I'll be a good girl!" By the age of five you lost some of the adorableness and started being a pain in the ass - beating up Karlie, getting into my room, telling guys at Gart Bros. that I thought they were hot, etc, etc. You thought I was leaving because you had been rotten all summer. You were heartbroken and the first few times I called home you just cried on the phone.

You had quite an evolution while I was away at school and I felt like you had grown up so much every time I saw you. You learned how to tie your shoes; how to read; how to make cinnamon toast; how to french braid Karlie's hair and much more all while I was away. I felt like I had missed so much and you and Karlie were a huge reason for my decision to move home.

In the eight years that I've been home I've watched you grow and change so much. When I got home you're walls were covered with pictures of horses and you still played with dolls.

You still thought I was "the coolest person in the whole, wide world". My opinion on clothes, music, movies and boys was the only one you cared about. That didn't last long.

I was also taller than you back then.

That didn't last too long either.

I remember the first time you told me you couldn't do a girl's night because you "had other plans"; you were 14. We often had to reschedule plans but it was always due to my schedule, not yours. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little hurt. It was then I realized that my days of being the person you wanted to spend all of your time with were numbered.

Your four years of high school seemed to have gone by in a blur. Wasn't it just yesterday that I was listening to your tales of freshman woe? There were all those phone calls about locker combinations, mean girls and cute baseball players. There were lessons in proper make-up application. There were all the times you begged me to take you driving after Sunday dinners. There were birthday cakes and Christmas cookies. There was prom dress shopping and lunches at Fazolis because of our intense love of the bread sticks. There were late night phone calls and text messages when John was being a jackass. There were fights and stupid arguments. There were fits of laughter that made us cry and/or fart. But I'm not pointing any fingers...

I was thinking about all of those things as I drove across town this afternoon to say goodbye before you leave for college tomorrow. I know I was the one who encouraged you to go to school out of state but as I stood there crying this afternoon I was kicking my own ass for that move. Because suddenly, the thought of you being a 10 hour drive away is a bit heartbreaking. I feel like karma is rearing her ugly head for wanting to get rid of you all those years ago. I wanted to cling to your waist and beg you to stay the same way you had done before I left for school. Leaving is hard but being left is awful.

Despite the tears, I am so excited for you. You are about to have the time of your life. I'd be lying if I said there would be no hard times, but you'll be fine. And for those big bumps in the road, I am just a phone call or plane ride away. Honestly Kels, I'm not worried because I know that there are wonderful things in store for you. I know that there is an amazing life out there just waiting for you to create it.

Love you tons,

Kendra

The New Man in My Life

His due date was my birthday but the little man arrived a few days early. Bradley Dean was born last night at 8:30pm weighing in at 7lbs 2oz and was 20 inches long. After checking around the maternity ward, I've concluded that he is the cutest kid in the hospital. Or really any hospital for that matter.

Then again, I might be a bit biased as I've always been a sucker for a man with unruly brown hair. But I ask you, what's not to love? *Swoon*

He's my cousin Brad's son so I'm not technically an auntie but I've already bestowed the title on myself. I can't wait to take him to his first baseball game.

Dear Old Dad

What I got from my dad...

My love of baseball.

My thick hair.

My fierce loyalty.

My love of reading.

Everything I know about grilling.

My love of the cabin.

My knowledge of every lyric to every Bob Seger song ever.

My appreciation of cigars.

My ability to stand up for myself.

My lead foot.

My smile.

Those are just a few of things I have because I'm his daughter.

Weekend in Photos

Kelsey's graduation...




Rosie's Bachelorette Party...



I recovered from my hangover in time to do a hike near Red Rocks...



You know life is good when your weekend is longer than your work week.