I'll Take "Things That Are Empty for 400" Alex

empty
Originally uploaded by kmc727.

Have you ever noticed how you seem to run out of everything at once? My bathroom seems to be the scene of the crime for this phenomenon. A few days ago I hopped into the shower…truth be told, it was 6am so I didn’t really “hop” so much as drag myself, but I digress. Anywho, I was in the shower and reached for the shampoo when I noticed the bottle was rather light. I turned it upside down and shook for a minute only to be rewarded with a pea-size amount of shampoo. I grabbed for another bottle (because at any given time, you can find at least 4 bottles of shampoo in my shower) which was empty. After rummaging, all bottles were on “E”. Clearly, there would be no lather, rinse, repeat today. I moved on to the conditioner which was also experiencing drought-like conditions. I had to shave because I’d let the winter coat grow in on my legs and I couldn’t take it anymore. I had absolutely no shaving gel left and when I grabbed the body wash, that too was empty. So the winter coat was left because there was nothing else to be done. I got out of the shower a tangled, hairy mess and padded over to the sink to grab some Q-Tips. I had one left. Up next, moisturizer. Had to shake that bottle like a Polaroid picture to get just enough. While brushing my teeth, the batteries on my spin brush went dead and I was forced to manually brush – like a savage. I always put Kiel’s lip balm on after I shower. My reasons are twofold: 1) I live in CO and lip balm is imperative and 2) I like the way my face looks when it’s freshly scrubbed, no make up and some lip balm. Well the Kiel’s tube has been dead for a while but I don’t live close to Nordstroms and that’s the only place you can get Kiel’s so I’ve been scraping the bottom but there was just no more scraping that day. I still had some eye cream which was good because after my crap ass shower, I needed some. Make-up and mousse were all ok as well but as I was blow drying my hair, I noticed I was out of hairspray. I did manage to put some lotion on but I smelled like a French whore as the lotion was a gift from an elderly family member who I certain purchased the lotion because they thought the bottle was cute. When I was all done, I got dressed and headed to the kitchen for some coffee only to discover that I was out of Coffeemate. I put some milk in the coffee but it just wasn’t the same. So I headed out the door, defeated by my own inability to go shopping in the last 3 weeks.
As I walked into my office I promised that I would never again let myself become a tangled-hair, fuzzy-legged, unmoisturized, chapped-lipped, manual tooth-brushing, stinky lotion wearing, unhappily caffinated girl ever again. As I sat down at my desk to start my day with a few emails I received an automated message: You are over your mailbox storage limit. The one effing thing of which I had too much. *sigh*