Life deals you a shitty hand sometimes, I get it.
I had a collassally shitty day yesterday. Were it not for the cd surprises, I would have fallen apart completely. If it had just been one thing, I would have been ok. But oh no, it was many, many, many things.
"The cancer just isn't going away."
"Would you consider moving to Huntington Beach?"
"Her drinking is getting pretty bad."
If I was a stronger person, a more truthful person, I'd go into it all. But I'm not that strong and frankly, I've had about enough of the truth.
The thing I've learned about myself in the last few years is that I really want people to think I can handle everything all by myself.
Professional life nuts? Nope! Everything is great!
Issues with friends and/or family? Keep moving people, nothing to see here!
Out of control situations all around? Are you kidding? Things are great!
I usually have a pretty good poker face; I keep my cards close to the vest. I can be holding the worst hand you've ever seen and make you believe I've got a full house. But I've realized that there are some days I just can't fake it, no matter how much I try. The good part is that there are a select few people with whom I can just lay my cards on the table. So last night, I folded.
Fuck it. I've got nothing.
And then the game was over and the house had won. And that's ok because with certain people, I still come out on top.
"On top" includes, but is not limited to, the following:
1)Copious amounts of vodka and grilled cheese sandwiches.
2)Good conversation about the hot Naval surgeon ("Doctor from the Navy, not a belly button surgeon"), peanut shells stuck in teeth, and "Ok,let's pretend, for the sake of pretend-tion..wait, that's not right. Oh well, I like it."
3)Another cd surprise - one with all of my favorite songs.
4) A couple of cigarettes - not because I'm a smoker but because I just needed a cigarette.
5) "I love you and it will all be ok."
And with that I thought: Oh hell, deal me in again.
6 comments:
It's okay to want to fold sometimes. In the words of U2, "you don't have to go it alone." That being said, I'm so glad you have your special few to support you when times get rough. And vodka, good music and cigarretes certainly help bring smiles back to our faces! :)
Huntington Beach is only two towns away from Laguna Beach!!!
Oh K.C. what are we going to do with you. I love the way you did that peice. You can only fake it for so long and then you gotta flip the table and punch the dealer. There's other places to play anyway. I hope things look up, they usually do, and since were playing poker, I need a smoke.
Rico - Welcome to Just Me. I swear, not all of my posts are as Debbie Downer as this one. :) Some are actually pretty funny.
Scotty - A broken nose was about the only thing that didn't happen to me yesterday. Just remember, if you need anything, I'm there in a heartbeat. Even if it's just to bring you some beer...and maybe catch a glimpse of my ESPN boyfriend. He still lives in your building, right?:)
Marissa - If I were to have a "special few" in the blogging world, you'd be at the top of the list. Thanks for always having my back. :)
Beth - Maybe I can hang with Stephen, Kristin and LC in Laguna? I do love those kids. Cafe con leche in the OC...
Timmortal - Next time I play poker, you're so gonna be there...looking forward to table flipping and dealer punching.
Hope today was better! Love you! BB
I definitely hear you on this. I try to be tought, but I am also a horribe liar and can't cover myself up.
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