Bullseye

Roughly six days after moving to my new office last year, a Super Target opened less than one block away. My love of Super Target ranks somewhere up there with high thread count sheets and the little brown dog. I won’t even admit how often I can be found wandering the aisles at lunch. I may not even really need anything but damn it, it’s Super Target and it calls to me. I’ve recently tried a new tactic of not getting a cart or basket so as not to buy a bunch of stuff I don’t need. This has been a miserable failure but I give myself props for trying.

I headed over yesterday to pick up two small things for my Halloween costume. Then as I shopped, I found a few things I could use for the dinner party I’m having on Saturday. And then I remembered some other stuff I needed. Here’s what I actually walked out with:

1. 2 sets of wine tumblers (for the party on Saturday)
2. cocktail napkins (for the party on Saturday)
3. birthday card (friend with a b-day next week)
4. headband (I lost my skinny black one a while back so clearly, I needed a new one)
5. lotion (This cold, dry Colorado air makes lotion a necessity)
6. cute candle (guest bathroom needed a new one)
7. thank you notes (they were on sale and a girl can never have too many thank you notes on hand)
8. black camisole (will go perfect underneath my new heather gray sweater)
9. votives (for table centerpiece for Saturday’s party)
10. Beggin Strips (What? The brown dog needs treats!)
11. golf balls (I always give my dad golf balls for his birthday and that’s in two weeks)
12. wire rimmed glasses (for my Halloween costume)
13. small basket (to hand out Halloween candy next week)
14. windshield wipers (the ones currently on my car just smoosh the dirt and water together) (Now, does anyone know how to change these damn things?)
15. tortilla chips (for the artichoke heart dip on Saturday)
16. Us Weekly (impulse purchase at the check out. Stupid impulses)
17. pie plates (for the party on Saturday)
18. ohhh, what’s this? Another cute candle? Clearly, I need it!
19. tonic water (because I can rarely drink vodka by itself)
20. limes (see above)
21. Chalula sauce (The Chalula people should start paying me for all of the endorsements)
22. Extra long twin sheets (My sister goes to college in the fall and I found the cutest sheets on sale)
23. Nail file (Because scraggly nails are not attractive)
24. Pine Sol (to clean the bathroom floors before the guests arrive on Saturday)
25. Cuticle oil (because my cuticles will be beat up after cleaning the floors)

As I stood in the checkout line, I giggled at my cart (which I had to get after I nearly shattered the wine tumblers reaching for the windshield wipers) because the contents were so random. I also giggled at my sad attempt to go in and only pick up “two small things”. Super Target: my credit card’s greatest nemesis.

As I threw the Us Weekly in my cart, I noticed the cart of the woman in front of me. Here’s what she had picked up:
1. Four hypoallergenic pillows
2. Eleven bottles of catsup
3. Eight cans of refried beans
4. Nair
5. Pussycat Dolls cd

Is there some sort of catsup/refried beans soup recipe I’m unaware of? And does one make that soup while getting rid of unsightly hair and listening to “Buttons”? And then when that’s all done, does one take a nap on their allergen-free pillows?

I may have purchased a bunch of things but as you can see from my explanations above, they all made perfect sense. But the catsup lady? Yeah, there’s just no explaining ELEVEN bottles of catsup.