Deck the Friggin Halls

I love the holidays.

Really, I do.

I genuinely love this time of year. I love all of the parties and catching up with people you only get to see once a year. I love getting Christmas cards in the mail instead of just bills and credit card offers. I will be having some friends over this weekend for Bakefest 2006 where we will drink mimosas and make a bunch of goodies. I love watching "The Grinch" and Charlie Brown Christmas special on tv. I actually like wrapping presents for people. And I really like buying presents for people because there's something great about the warm fuzzies you get when you just know you've found the perfect gift for someone. I love the smell that fills the house with a live tree. Yep, this time of year is honestly one of my favorites.

But there are a few things that I don't enjoy and for whatever reason, those things have been making me crazy lately. So in honor of "Festivus"*, I'm going to have my own personal Airing of Grievances...

1. I like holiday music as much as the next person. However, I believe that 24 hours of holiday music beginning on November 1st is a total overkill. That's right, Kosi 101, I'm talking to YOU.

2. The only holiday lighting that is appropriate are white lights. Stringing your house up with enough blinking, circus-colored lights that can been seen from space and causes you a six-figure electric bill might be just a wee-bit too much.

3. Plastic Santas make me want to ralph. And don't get me started on those hideous inflatable nightmares which inevitably blow over and make it look like a Christmas tragedy has occurred.

4. Just because you're trying to secure the perfect present for your loved one does not give you permission to take total leave of your manners. It is not ok to be a) a psycho in the parking lot, b)a huffing, puffing monster while waiting in line or c) a big, raging ass when the girl at Starbucks screws up your Venti, non-fat Peppermint Latte. And by the way, how about you be a real man and just order drip coffee? You ass.

5. Saying things like, "He'd better get me some diamonds this year" and being totally serious while you say it makes it hard to hide the fact that you are, in fact, nothing more than a gold digger.

Whew! I feel better!

The great thing about Festivus (for the rest of us!) is that everyone can participate in the Airing of Grievances so feel free to share. Maybe when we're all done we'll compete in the Feats of Strength or put up the Festivus Pole or something...

*I doubt anyone needed that link but I just loved this overview.