I'm having one of those days that makes me wish I'd just pulled the covers over my head and slept the day away. I don't have them too often but Lordy, when they happen...well, they just take it out of me.
I'm having the kind of day that makes me want to scream out, "I can't always be happy and outgoing. I can't always be funny or witty. I don't always have a punchline to make you feel better. I can take you laughing with me, but today of all effing days, please, don't laugh at me. Not today." And after all that's out, I'd like to close a door where no one can see me and cry for a long, long while.
But I can't do that because I have responsibilities. There are meetings to go to and conference calls to be on at specific times. There are people who expect me to be "on". There are people who can't deal with anything less. There are people who expect things of me that they could never expect of themselves. Those are the people who always take more than they give. And most days that's ok because that's the role I've given myself.
But it's not ok today.
Today I need someone to close the door, hold my hand and let me cry until I can't make another tear. I need someone to rub my back and tell me it's ok to have a down day. I need someone to treat me with kid gloves for just a little while. I need someone to understand that just because I don't show you every feeling I'm having, doesn't mean I'm not having them. I need someone to love me in spite of myself.
I make fun of myself all the damn time but today I just can't and I could really care less how much anyone else needs a laugh.
The well has run dry today.
I can't give anymore to anyone else. I'm exhausted and just plain worn out. I hate that I don't even feel entitled to a bad day because I know there are so many people who have real problems. I hate that I do that to myself; I make myself feel bad for feeling bad.
It's hard to believe that only yesterday I had a really, really fantastic day. Perhaps if I get through this one, I can share that one.
14 comments:
*Big sigh for you.*
So sorry today sucks, Sweetie.
You are definitely entitled to a bad day. Don't tell yourself otherwise. If I were there I'd close the door and hold your hand and let you get it all out. Pretend I am doing that, ok? Then go home and go to bed and get today over with!
I don't know what is going around the blogosphere right now other than a whole lot of people not working at work but, feel better KC.
I want to write something thoughtful and meaningful but it all seems rather futile. They can't all be good days, the bad one's make you appreciate the really good days. What's that dumb saying? If you want the rainbow you have to deal with the rain....and i don't mean the gay pride rainbow.
Till then, retreat to the dance party in your head.
I'M here for you. We can be all messy together. Except for this time, you'll be the one crying. Are we going to have to break out "Sixteen Candles" again?
In case Karen hasn't talked to you -- Jordano for dinner. Take out or restaurant -- you decide.
Love you
(((Hugs)))
Now Kendra, I want you to imagine that I AM Mary Poppins and we are out there today flying our kites together! :)
Chin up sweetheart xx
I wish I could come to Jordano tonight to give you a hug! I hate having to fake my way through a day when I feel down...hang in there! If there were an emoticon of a kitten hanging from the branch, 'hanging in there' I'd use it now.
Well, here's a joke then.
Why did Frosty the Snowman pull his pants down?
Because he heard the snowblower was coming.
Holla!
Hope that you feel better. Keep the chin up, we all have terrible days. YOu will get through it!!
D
Awwwwww! rubbing your back There, there, girl. Does that feel better? Do you want me to run out and get you a pint of Ben and Jerry's? That always helps me.
Hope your day got better. Looking forward to hearing about your fantastic day as well.
(((KC)))
bad days come but they also go...hope today is better.
Isn't it crazy how fast our moods can turn? One day we're on top of the world and the next we feel hopeless. It IS okay to have days like that, just feel it out, cry it out, emote and soon, the mood will shift again and you'll feel a whole lot lighter. I'm thinking of you. Hugs, hugs and more hugs.
I feel so bad for not commenting yesterday when you really needed it!! I hope you are feeling better today, though. It’s ok to have a bad day, but it really sucks, I know. Especially when you feel the way you did. I’ve felt that many times before, crying for no logical reason, not wanting anyone around, just being down for the sake of being down. The good thing is, it usually passes relatively quickly – and in the meantime, even though it is only through the internet wires, I’m here if you need me! ;)
it's ok to not be "on" all the time. i completely understand how you feel...and i hope that today is all better for you!
Just so you know, you guys rock.
XO,
KC
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