The Foolproof Plan That Wasn't

So as I was saying, 2006 sucked. (Eloquent, I know.)

And then 2007 rolled around. And I was bound and determined to make all of these big changes and to show Life that while it may have bitch-slapped me repeatedly over the course of 2006, I was taking charge in 2007. I had a plan. I decided I was going to make some major changes in my life and instead of doing them one at a time - like a sane person - I did everything at once.

First, I began started Weight Watchers and began working out on a regular basis. My weight has always fluctuated but I'd moved to full-on chubster status. And I didn't like it at all. The weight came off rather easily and I enjoyed the results. I lost almost 30 lbs and felt like a million bucks. And the running was a great way for me to release the stress and anxiety I'd been feeling. At least some of it anyway.

Next, I began planning family get-togethers all the time. Now, my family gets together on a regular basis anyway, but I wanted more. Uncle Brad's house had always been where we would always have events and I was terrified that we wouldn't see each other as often after he died. So I planned event after event in an attempt to keep my family together. And honestly, I think it was one of the smartest things I did that year. I think my family needed that time to be together for fun, happy events like birthdays and bar-b-ques. We needed time together that wasn't spent working on funeral planning or sorting out estate details.

I also began dating again. After the debacle of Mr. Normal...oh hell, let's call a spade a spade. That fool's name was Chris. And he turned out to be anything but normal. Anyway, I decided that wallowing in the ruins of another failed relationship was not the way to go so I took matters into my own hands and signed up for Match. I was so proud of myself for trying. I never thought I'd be the kind of girl who could walk confidently into a coffee shop to meet for a blind date but I did it. It wasn't a huge loss; I met some great guys...just no big spark. And I'm a girl who needs sparks. There was one guy who left me weak in the knees that year. Timing and geography weren't on our side and we both knew our situation was probably impossible. And so it ended. I don't regret a single second with him because good Lord, we had some fun together.

I took golf lessons and worked on big projects at my house. I traveled for work and for fun. I made plans with friends. I killed myself at work and got a promotion. I went running and bike riding. I planned parties for friends and family. I read more books. I took lots of photos and I tried all sorts of new recipes. I kept myself busy and by the end of the year, I realized I'd done almost everything I set out to do. I'd executed my life-improving plan beautifully. Or so I thought.

The one thing I didn't put on my to-do list in 2007 was to deal with the emotional fallout of 2006. I just ignored the pain and when the sadness did creep up, I'd go for a run or stay at work a little later. Or start a new project at the house. Or meet a friend for a drink. But I sure didn't talk about it. Not at all.

So I hid all of those feelings away in 2007. But they didn't stay hidden...and the emotional shit hit the fan in 2008. (Again, so eloquent.)